Zombie-Proof Your Windows: The Survival Guide You Didn’t Know You Needed (Until Now)

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Because when the undead show up, your builder-grade screens aren’t gonna cut it.

Barrie and Muskoka: Where Zombies Actually Roam

(Not Just In Your Netflix Queue)

Look, Barrie and Muskoka may be best known for sparkling lakes and maple syrup festivals, but let’s not kid ourselves — we’ve also got our fair share of undead drama.

Remember the Barrie Zombie Walks from back in the day? Whole streets full of blood-soaked, grocery-store-mascara-smeared zombies dragging their fake intestines and Starbucks lattes around downtown. (Honestly, terrifying and hilarious.)

Or Gravenhurst’s “Let the Spirits Rise” bash — where dozens of people dressed like decomposing accountants roamed the town square while the locals pretended it was normal.

Just another Saturday in Muskoka.

Moral of the story: If we can simulate a zombie apocalypse this well, who’s to say the real thing isn’t lurking around the next beaver dam?

DIY “Budget” Zombie Defenses (If You Spent All Your Money on Pumpkin Spice Lattes)

If you’re not quite ready for military-grade reinforcements, here are some highly effective (read: completely useless) DIY zombie-proofing hacks:

  • Hand-Drawn Window Posters
    Nothing says “totally not worth eating” like a Sharpie-drawn sign that reads:➡️ “No humans inside, just boring taxes.”➡️ “Already zombified — move along!”➡️ “Gluten-free brains only.”
  • Cardboard Window Fortifications
    Layer it up like a 7-layer dip. Sure, one half-hearted zombie shove will take it down faster than a Muskoka chair at a cottage party, but hey — it’ll feel safer.
  • Glow-in-the-Dark Stickers
    Scatter some glow skeletons and spooky pumpkins around the windows. Distract zombies into thinking your house is hosting a rave. Bonus: if you survive, your Halloween decor is already done.
  • Fake Blood Splatters
    Get creative: “Already eaten, don’t bother” vibes. (Just pray Amazon doesn’t deliver while it’s still fresh-looking. Awkward.)

Real Talk: If You Actually Want to Survive, Call the Pros (That’s Us)

If you’re serious about keeping unwanted guests and brain-eaters out, it’s time to go beyond your kids’ finger-paint masterpieces taped to the window.

✅ Security Screens:

These bad boys can take a beating — perfect for keeping out zombies and overly enthusiastic Jehovah’s Witnesses.

✅ Security Shutters:

You know those heavy metal gates they slam down in horror movies right before everything goes wrong? Yeah, ours are prettier — but just as tough. Smash-proof, creep-proof, apocalypse-approved.

Fun Fact: Security shutters also help keep out drafty winds, rabid raccoons, and your neighbor’s creepy uncle who “just wants to borrow your canoe.”

Field-Tested Bonus Tips (Because You Can’t Be Too Careful)

  • Muskoka Chairs as Weapons
    Foldable, throwable, and 100% Canadian.
  • Maple Syrup Traps
    Sticky enough to immobilize a moose. Should work on zombies. (Just don’t trap yourself. It’s happened.)
  • Wear a Lifejacket Indoors
    Why? No reason. But it’ll confuse the zombies and buy you a few seconds.
  • Decoy Cottage Parties
    Set up a dummy cottage down the street with beer cans and bad karaoke. Zombies love a party. Problem solved.

If All Else Fails…

Move to Tiny Township.

Nobody finds you there. Not even the zombies.

(Just kidding, Tiny folks — you know we love you.)

Bottom Line:

If you want to turn your home from “buffet” to “not worth the effort” — give us a shout at WindowRises.com.

Because whether it’s zombie-proofing, raccoon-proofing, or general-cottage-weirdness-proofing…we’ve got your windows covered. 🪟🧟‍♂️

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