Cottages are magical.
Peaceful. Restorative. Soul-healing.

Also quietly judging you.

If your poor cottage had a voice, it would sound suspiciously like that one sarcastic aunt who gives you a hug and a roast at the same time.

Here’s exactly what your cottage would say…
if it could finally get a few things off its chest about your busted screens.

1. “Oh yay, you fixed the coffee machine! I guess the giant hole in my patio screen was just… optional?”

Cool, cool, no worries.
I’ll just keep letting in blackflies the size of golf balls.
No big deal.

2. “You spent $500 on patio lights… and zero dollars fixing the door I get smacked open 12 times a day.”

But sure, string lights.
That’s the real security upgrade I needed.

3. “Nothing says ‘rustic charm’ like duct tape holding together a 12-year-old screen.”

Honestly, I’m impressed.
It’s like you’re personally trying to set a world record for ‘most creative ways to avoid a $150 repair.’

4. “Hey, remember that time a squirrel sauntered in through the rip in the screen? Good times.”

I especially loved the part where you screamed like a Disney princess.

5. “Glad you reinforced the dock. Meanwhile, I’m one stiff breeze away from blowing into Tiny Marsh.”

Seriously.
One good gust and I’m gonna turn into a screen-based tumbleweed.

6. “Oh sure, let’s install a new hot tub while the patio door still sounds like a dying walrus.”

You do you, boss.
I’ll just scream for help every time someone tries to slide me open.

7. “Love the new Muskoka chairs. Especially the one leaning against me to keep the blackflies out.”

Very classy.
Very Lake Simcoe chic.

8. “I’m flattered you decorated the deck… but maybe stop stapling rugs over the screen holes?”

Just an idea.
Because right now?
We’re one Pinterest craft away from starring in Cottage DIY Fails Vol. 7.

9. “You’re worried about raccoons on the deck, but not the fact they can walk right through the patio screen?”

Honestly, at this point, I’m thinking of charging them rent.

10. “I saw you pricing out security cameras… but not, like, a $200 screen that could stop the bear in the first place?”

Maybe instead of filming the break-in, we prevent the break-in?
Just a thought.

Your Cottage is Begging You: Show Some Love ❤️

Strong screens, smooth rollers, and reinforced doors aren’t just “nice to have.”
They’re basic respect at this point.

Ready to make peace with your passive-aggressive cottage?
Get your patio screen door repaired here.
Upgrade to real security screens here.

You’ve ghosted the broken screen long enough.
It’s time.